When you are first learning something, it isn’t at all uncommon to find yourself paralyzed, and to get stuck “spinning,” like a hamster on a wheel running around in circles and getting nowhere. When your daughter is diagnosed with anorexia, it is going to feel like you don’t know what to do to help her. But, if there were ever a time that you can’t afford to indulge in confusion, it is when your daughter’s health and life are in jeopardy, and no action is being taken. When this “I don’t know” paralysis sets in, there is a very powerful question we can ask ourselves: “If I did know, then what?”
The answer to that question is the starting point. Don’t be afraid to take a guess. By making a decision to take action, we move closer to the solution that is right for our daughters. It is only by making the decision to do something instead of spending time in confusion that we can help her. Then, if we find that whatever decision we made isn’t working, and we are back to a state of “I don’t know” again, we repeat the question: “If I did know, then what?” The key is being willing to do this as many times as it takes to get to the solution.
With every step that we take when we think we don’t know, we are closer to learning exactly what we need to do to support our daughter’s recovery.
At first, I didn’t know what to do at all. I didn’t know if I should take her to the emergency room or to her pediatrician; I didn’t know if she should go to school or not go to school; I didn’t know if she should continue dancing or quit dancing; I didn’t know if I should talk to her about the anorexia or not talk to her about the anorexia; I didn’t know if she should see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a therapist, a dietician, or all of the above; I didn’t know if I should tell anyone about her illness or not tell anyone about her illness; I didn’t know if I should try to get her to eat, or if she needed to be in an inpatient facility to get her weight restored. To top off the confusion, the more I read about anorexia, and the more I consulted the experts, the more I realized that no one knew for sure what to do to help her.
So, what did I do? With each “I don’t know,” I took action. I learned what works and what doesn’t work. When a strategy failed, I made adjustments, and with each bit of fine tuning, I have gotten better at knowing. A lot of questions remain unanswered, but one thing I know is that my daughter has been helped more by me taking action than if I had remained in confusion and done nothing because my brain convinced me I didn’t know what to do.
Since my daughter was diagnosed with anorexia, I have taken many actions, and I’ve figured out exactly what to do. You can too.
If you’d like to learn how to spend less time feeling confused and more time taking action to help your daughter’s recovery, email me at jenni@peacemealcoach.com to schedule a free 20-minute mini coaching session.
