During the early part of my daughter’s anorexia diagnosis and treatment, I remember thinking that I must be the only one experiencing the level of fear, anxiety, and distress that I experienced. I thought something had to be wrong with me, that it couldn’t possibly be this bad, this hard, this scary for anyone else. At first I didn’t have the awareness to understand that what I was going through was very common for parents of a child with an eating disorder. I judged myself and had an ongoing internal struggle about almost everything. For example:

  • I dreaded every meal and every snack.
  • I wished I could go back to life before the eating disorder.
  • I felt powerless and sometimes hopeless.
  • I doubted my ability to make it through another day.
  • I questioned every treatment decision we made.
  • I no longer felt like a good mom.

The list could go on and on. At the time, I assumed that what I was thinking, feeling, and experiencing was abnormal, but now I know that it was absolutely normal for me to be thinking, feeling, and experiencing those things. I’ve since learned how important it is to be aware of when I fall into thinking that what I’m experiencing is somehow wrong. I’ve learned to normalize it. I’ve come to realize that the things I once thought were wrong or abnormal were completely normal in the context of an eating disorder.

If you’re feeling like there is something wrong with you or your situation, I want to assure you that you are not alone. I want to normalize what you are going through. I want to validate your feelings and honor your experience.

It’s powerful to create awareness around the impact eating disorders have on families. The more we can learn about eating disorders, the better equipped we are to experience what we are seeing, thinking and feeling as normal. It’s also powerful to find at least one other parent who has been through what you’re experiencing. When those with lived experience share their stories, we have a chance to see that the distress we’re experiencing is part of the journey.

Having a child with an eating disorder can be an isolating experience. Normal. Finding effective treatment can involve trial and error. Normal. Recovery from eating disorders can involve setbacks and relapses. Normal. Repeatedly witnessing your child’s distress can be the most distress you’ve ever experienced. Normal.

No matter what you are experiencing, as bad as it seems, it is most likely normal as far as eating disorders go.

Sometimes knowing that something is an expected part of the journey is helpful and can contribute to acceptance of a difficult situation. The fear, the anxiety, the messiness of all that you’re going through as the parent of someone with an ED is what most of us experience. Knowing all of it is normal doesn’t make going through it any easier, but it can help us have more compassion toward ourselves. It can help us feel less critical of how we’re managing it. Understanding that the parents of those who are fully recovered from EDs most likely experienced the same doubts and fears that you’re having can also provide a lot of hope.

Eating disorders are horrible illnesses that put families through unimaginable distress. Eating disorders are also treatable, and full recovery is possible. Seeing the thoughts, emotions, and experiences we have as parents of a child with an ED as normal can help us be gentler with ourselves and others, can allow us to release shame, and can give us a more stable place to operate from as we navigate the rough spots.

Normalizing our reactions and experiences gives us the chance to show up with love and compassion for ourselves and our child. We can quiet the self-criticism and remove the blame. We can nurture ourselves carefully while we are standing in our child’s corner fighting the ED. We can breathe and notice that we’re okay regardless of what the ED puts in our path today.

Pathologizing our thoughts, emotions, and experiences hurts us. Normalizing our thoughts, emotions, and experiences steadies us.

You can do this!

You are doing this.

Remember, you aren’t alone in your experience, and nothing is wrong with you. You’re a loving parent having normal responses to a challenging situation.

I love helping parents regain their peace of mind, strengthen their relationship with their child, and work toward their child’s full recovery. Contact me at jenni@peacemealcoach.com, or schedule a free 30-minute consultation here.