After much trial and error, some drama, and significant self-induced stress, I have learned that even with the tools I have as a certified life coach, I must coach myself constantly. I now make sure that I have useful go-to thoughts prepared for times when my default brain is temped to automatically step in and worsen a situation.

It has taken a lot of practice to be able to immediately step outside myself and intervene when my primal brain is about to react. But learning how to consciously override what my unsupervised mind would automatically do, has kept me from indulging in confusion, anxiety, and overwhelm, and allowed me to be confident, calm, and organized while refeeding my anorexic teen.

Before I became aware of the erroneous thought loops that were my default, I had no idea those subconscious thoughts were creating feelings that were not useful to me.

My thought errors were leading me to actions that did not get me the results I wanted in my life.

Never has the skill of being able to deliberately choose what I want to think and how I feel been more important than it has been in dealing with the ups and downs that become a way of life for the whole family during anorexia recovery. I have noticed that the sooner I can maturely manage my emotions when anorexia makes it hard for my daughter to manage hers, the better. When I am careful to coach myself, I reap three specific benefits:

1. I am a better mom.

2. I feel more loving toward my daughter.

3. My daughter becomes more responsive to me.

Anxiety, depression, tears, and anger are all to be expected with anorexia. My automatic response if I don’t coach myself is to tense up, try to anxiously talk her out of her feelings, get frustrated and angry when she won’t eat, continue to let my negative thoughts spin in my head, and let the anorexia win.

I can now step back for a second, take a deep breath, and choose the very most useful thought that I keep with me at all times:

I love her.

If you would like to learn how to harness thoughts that will allow you to be the mom you want to be for your anorexic daughter, contact me at jenni@peacemealcoach.com to schedule a free 20-minute mini session.