Parents of those with eating disorders have been known to fall apart. The falling apart doesn’t necessarily happen when their child is most at risk. It may not be when their loved one is hospitalized or rapidly losing weight or is self harming or is suicidal or is not medically stable enough to attend school. Many of the moms and dads I know weather the toughest of storms, staying calm and steady, possibly becoming numb, but rarely do they come completely undone when their child needs them. Frequently, the undoing comes later–when their child is back in school, at a good weight, acting like themself again.
Don’t be surprised when the feelings catch up with you. Allow yourself time to grieve in your own time, in your own way.
It is a cleansing of emotions that were so intense, so deep, so shocking, so foreign, that you had no idea what to do with them. At the time, you moved forward because you had to. You kept going because you wanted to. You cried some along the way, but the pain was lodged somewhere in your body, held at bay by your mind, waiting for another time, a better time to emerge.
Unless you come from a family that was above average at teaching you to honor your feelings, or you’ve been masterful at resolving the trauma you’ve experienced with no residual emotions left unprocessed, then you may still be an emotional wreck. I feel you.
If you have a cathartic cry, it is normal. If something happens that is small in comparison to what you’ve already been through, and it unleashes a torrential downpour, nothing has gone wrong. You are human, most likely a sensitive soul who has been walking on eggshells for an extended period of time, living in fear with a sense of impending doom. When the worst fear has passed, that same fear may come to you again like an accumulation of lint that built up in your dryer even though you thought you were pretty good at keeping it cleared out.
Let go. Cry. Feel what you have been through. Take as long as you need. This is you loving your child and feeling the pain that comes when someone you love has suffered. However you feel is how you are supposed to feel. Allow yourself the space to feel it all the way through.
Cry loudly. Cry with someone. Cry alone. This isn’t something to be ashamed of because it comes from the purest part of being human–a parent’s love for their child.
On the other side of the cry, don’t be surprised to feel vulnerable. Don’t be surprised to feel strong. Don’t be surprised to feel held by yourself in a way that no one has been able to do.
Give yourself permission to cry.
