This poem is dedicated to the parents of those with anorexia and the kids they believe in:
Bones and Brave
Skin and bones
but mostly bones
Cold to the touch
and hollow
empty eyes
Sad soul
Heart beating
Dancing without joy
Something switches on
and the fight begins
Life becomes war
with no relief
no straight line out
Treatment is a rabbit hole
without answers
Believing someone will save her
is a dead end
The so-called experts don’t know
how to feed her
They can’t begin to see her
When she eats
it isn’t enough
The pain of each bite
the horror of each meal
makes the strongest weak
Who wants to torture her
to save her
Who wants to inflict pain
to make her live
loathing herself
How can love look like hate
How can goodness not see itself
when the highest intelligence
and abundant achievement
aren’t enough
When all assurances are wasted
a beautiful brain is hijacked
and the best isn’t good enough
I learn to push
digging deeper
Living what is essential
Breathing
Eating
Loving
Being
Holding on
finding strength
I believe I don’t have
Somehow
I keep going
Everything changes
Nothing is what it seems to be
No one gets it
but I don’t care how long I’m here
if she gets to be here longer
Nothing matters more than this
This bite
This moment
My love
My care
I keep feeding
fighting
believing
Noticing the slightest bit of sun
peeking through the smallest crack
It is enough
One smile
One wave
Going back to school
Returning to the stage
The highs and lows
of a roller coaster
I didn’t want to ride
but I won’t stop
no matter what
Because she did not choose this
and I know she is here
to do great things
Bones and brave
but mostly brave
