We’ve all heard that hindsight is 20/20.

It also makes sense to remember that the past is over, and we don’t benefit from blaming ourselves for things we didn’t know before we had all of the experience we have now.
In the context of anorexia, the puzzle pieces finally make sense.

I didn’t know it at the time, but these 8 things were all clues that my daughter was developing anorexia even though her weight remained stable:

1. Body image

2. Mood swings

3. Perfectionism

4. Genetics

5. Extreme self-consciousness in ballet costumes

6. Frequent body checking in mirrors

7. Eating “healthy”

8. A new interest in cooking and recipes

Before we see the physical manifestations of the illness, there are only clues, but no true answer to the mystery that is our daughter. As a mom, denial is an attractive choice. Waiting and not knowing seems better in some ways than the dreaded diagnosis of anorexia. Even after the diagnosis, it is understandable if we are confused and we don’t know what to do.

Some of us continue to collect clues for a while without putting the pieces of the puzzle together, and we are able to rationalize that she is acting like a normal teenager. Some of us continue to minimize the seriousness of the illness and attempt to wish it away even after we know exactly what it is—Anorexia.

We go back and retrace the steps to this diagnosis and we question ourselves and our parenting. Our thoughts and feelings are spinning out of control.

There is guilt.
There is anger.
There are what-ifs.
There are should haves and shouldn’t haves.

But, it isn’t our fault.
It isn’t her fault.
It just is.

Now that the puzzle is solved, we can focus on the future.
It isn’t at all useful to us (or to her) to beat ourselves up over what we didn’t recognize at first.

So what if we didn’t know the things that in hindsight were signs of an eating disorder?

Now we do.

Now we become the parents we need to be to support her recovery.

If you are interested in learning how to move beyond the guilt and confusion about your daughter’s anorexia, contact me at jenni@peacemealcoach.com for a free 20-minute mini coaching session.